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dating yourself

The New Feminist’s Guide to Dating Yourself

As cuffing season approaches and everyone starts coupling up, there can be a lot of pressure to search for a partner. I’ve been the single person that feels like the odd one out and to say it is not fun is an understatement. What’s worse though is searching for just any partner to fill that void. Take the pressure off this holiday season and treat yourself to all your undivided attention. Date yourself!

It may feel a little weird to “date yourself” at first but it can be a fulfilling experience and a great self-love journey. Don’t get me wrong, like in any relationship there are going to be some ups and downs; you might feel lonely at times but the highs are worth all the lows.

Learn your love language

A good place to start is to find out your love language. You can take the love language quiz to find out how you operate in relationships and how to use it to strengthen your connections. Guess what? You can easily use this information to dive into your relationship with yourself. My primary love language is quality time, so I started taking myself out. Whether it be a picnic in the park or a nice dinner alone I instantly feel connected to myself.

As an extrovert, I had no idea how much I enjoyed spending time with myself until I started to go to dinner alone. Doing activities completely alone can feel weird and uncomfortable at first.  You might think people are judging you, but firstly, they are probably not and secondly, if you enjoy doing it, who cares. If your love language is words of affirmations or receiving gifts, write yourself a love letter, tell yourself that you are proud of yourself or get yourself that something special. This will look different for everyone but the point of dating yourself is to indulge in the things you wouldn’t normally do alone but have always wanted to do. It takes you outside your comfort zone and that leads to personal growth.

Show up for yourself

You know that feeling right before your dates where you are getting ready, looking good, and feeling good? Go through that routine with yourself! Put on something that makes you go “damnnnn” in the mirror and enjoy your time with yourself. You might feel your sexiest when you have that messy bun and sweats on or when you are dressed to the nines. Whichever it is, slip it on and give yourself all the compliments. There is no exact rule of thumb, just follow what makes you happy and what makes you feel your best.

This also goes for showing up for yourself during the hard times. I know I can be extremely critical of myself and half the things I say to myself I would never imagine saying to a friend. Make sure to be nice to yourself.  We are so quick to talk down to ourselves. Speak to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend who is going through a rough patch. 

Surround yourself with people you love and trust

Just like any relationship, there are going to be bumps in the road. Therefore, it is important to have a support system to vent to when you are feeling down on yourself. Sometimes you need that pep talk from your best friend, a night out or a night in. Just because you are investing in yourself does not mean you have to isolate yourself.

Stay consistent

This is the hardest part for me! I will go through phases where I am doing all the self-care, taking myself out, and talking myself up. Then there are the months where myself and I are on a break. I always sit there wondering why I am feeling so disconnected from myself like I haven’t ignored all my wants and needs for a month. When life gets busy try your best to schedule a little time for yourself. It does not have to be the whole event but at the least take yourself on a walk or a quick coffee date.

Indulge in your desires

This can be a really good time to either take a break from sex or maybe it is time to figure out your body. A lot of you might be thinking, but what about sex? Get that vibrator, hop on a dating app to find a safe hookup, or do whatever you want to do to fulfil your desires. Dating yourself means putting yourself first and for you that might mean indulging in all your sexual needs.

Again, dating yourself can look different for everyone. The important thing is that you start to connect with yourself and put yourself first. It is probably going to be a bit uncomfortable at first, but comfort isn’t always a good thing. Get outside your comfort zone and start investing in your lifelong relationship with yourself! Who better to love you than you?

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